Beginner's Mind

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." - Suzuki Roshi

One of the many wonderful things about having children is watching them experience the world with “beginner’s minds” unencumbered by the burdens we adults carry.

Having a family was what finally and irrevocably brought my path to Buddhism. Seeing how directly the influence of who I am and what I do on my children was powerful motivation to do delve deeper, to start to come to grips with my own suffering and self-destructive ways of being in the world. 

For me the driving question was as a father – what was the legacy I wanted to leave my children with? The answer was light, joy and happiness. But these are not things we can give to other people but rather must embrace ourselves before we can share them with others.

This means not striving for perfection or measuring oneself against a standard of what should be. For me it has meant willingly and lovingly making time for telling simple and silly stories, falling asleep while watching cartoons, turning on a light in a dark room, and assembling Legos. It means creating and sharing a world where stuffed animals, imaginary friends and dogs, live and talk, act out and reflect, giving us the opportunity to share our true selves with those we love!

Another wonderful manifestation of beginner's mind is how I appreciate my relationship with my partner. She seems wiser, more caring, loving and attentive. Sometimes she talks and I find myself thinking admiringly - wow that was a pearl of wisdom, where did that come from? Or she will say something and I'll think - that's Buddhism! Or I find myself with this sneaking suspicion she has secretly been listening to my Gil Fronsdal talks from Audio Dharma while I have been sleeping... How is it that she has changed while I am the one who gets up early every morning to meditate?! And is it really so? Or is it that I am more able to appreciate and see her true self? Or is it that somehow our paths are intertwined and mutually supporting? She is a natural Bodhisattva. Wisdom and learning does not always need to be named.

How strange and wonderful to find that while my partner and children haven't taken to meditation, that we are partners, fellow seekers on the path! That they are my teachers in ways big and small.

It is a tender almost heart bursting joy when they come in to kiss my cheek while I meditate. Or cover my legs with a blanket. It seems like this is what it means to be truly human.

May we always embrace our beginner's mind!

May we open our hearts and minds to find teachers and friends in unexpected places,  forms and guises,

Real and imaginary,

Human and animal,

Big and small, 

To accompany us on the path! 

May we all be happy!

Race, Diversity and Buddhism: Thoughts and a Proposal

Although I have been an activist for a long time and during my college years helped lead a student protest movement for diversity, to this day I dread discussions about race, the feelings they bring up in myself and others, the conflict that arises, and the ultimate and inescapable dissatisfaction with the ways things end. But recently I've been stirred and inspired by Arun at Angry Asian Buddhist, and even more recently by posts and comments by Nathan at Dangerous Harvests, and Katie at Kloncke.

At the same time I am concerned by the generally unsatisfactory discussion about race and diversity on many Buddhist blogs. These discussions have been full of misunderstanding, misrepresentation, hurt feelings all around, blanket statements, and a general lack of compassion or insight. Its often as if we don't really hear what others are saying but are separately instead engaged in a discussion with ghosts from previous discussions with all the accumulated baggage. At times we shout past each other, selectively hearing and cherry picking what is said for more fuel to add to the fire. It is even more regrettable when these discussions involve Buddhists because there is just extra arrow added on top of extra arrow, increasing suffering and seemingly disdaining the skillful means we as Buddhists should be developing and practicing.

Why have or participate in these discussions then? For me personally at a certain level there really is no choice. From a very young age, standing up to racism or asserting myself in a forum with racial overtones was part of an existential struggle. I felt like if I didn't speak out, stand up and fight back, I would not exist as a person and any risk was worth taking to prevent that. Those times I was silent or didn't fight back, I would torture myself again and again remembering my failure, cowardice and humiliation and despising myself for my weakness.

With meditation I have started to realize that the cost of anger is a steep one - the loss of personal balance and objectifying the focus of my anger which in other words is dehumanization and doing to someone else the very thing I don't want to happen to me. That's not to say I still don't get angry but the intensity has lessened and its not as all consuming. There is the awareness on some sort of fundamental level that the anger is not me and I am more than just the anger. I can be somewhat objective and watch it as an observer.

Also there is the realization that not every battle has to be joined, not every comment answered. We can choose not to accept those "gifts" as Goenkaji calls them (reminded of this by a post on Kloncke). There is something powerful in standing up for oneself and fighting back. There is also something powerful about restraint, abstaining, taking the time and space to just be.  

What comes next after the fighting and then the restraint and abstaining? How about a try for the middle way? I have been listening and working on Gil Fronsdal's Concentration series at Audio Dharma. At one point he describes concentration meditation like fishing - too much slack and the fish gets away, too forceful and the line will break. Perhaps these discussions on race needs to be the same - enough creative tension to get people thinking outside of their normal assumptions but not some much as to make them defensive. Easier said than done but adding compassion, trying out equanimity and remembering we are all in this together could help. What if at the point where someone says something that brings on very strong feelings of aversion and rejection - we try and label these feelings and then watch them with non reactive awareness? What would happen if we could get angry at someone else's limited and seemingly bigoted perspective but then put that feeling in a "larger container" and watch its power fade?

What if we could listen to each other for what lies behind our words?

Could there be a simple and shared desire to be heard, acknowledged and appreciated?

Would this premise be worth testing? How about a Buddhist bloggers' roundtable or panel discussion on different topics related to race, diversity and Buddhism? But the goal would not be to show how someone is wrong or convert others to your viewpoint, it would be to practice what Katie calls "mindful blogging" and do it in the challenging context of a dialogue about race, diversity and Buddhism.  

Sooo... Anybody game? I guess this is somewhat presumptuous since it assumes people are actually reading my ramblings...Is anybody out there?

ps - just in case someone is out there, I want to again acknowledge influence and inspiration from Kloncke and Dangerous Harvests for this line of thought - thanks!

METTA SUTTA Translated by Gil Fronsdal

To reach the state of peace 
Those skilled in the Good 
Should be
Capable and upright, 
Straightforward and easy to speak to, 
Gentle and not proud, 
Contented and easily supported, 
Living lightly and with few duties, 
Wise and with senses calmed, 
Not arrogant and without greed for supporters, 
And they should not do the least thing that the wise would criticize. 
[They should reflect:] 
"May all be happy and secure; 
May all beings be happy at heart. 
All living beings, whether weak or strong, 
Tall, large, medium, or short, 
Tiny or big, 
Seen or unseen, 
Near or distant, 
Born or to be born, 
May they all be happy." 
Let no one deceive another 
Or despise anyone anywhere; 
Let no one through anger or aversion 
Wish for others to suffer. 

As a mother would risk her own life 
To protect her child, her only child, 
So toward all beings should one 
Cultivate a boundless heart. 
With loving-kindness for the whole world 
Should one cultivate a boundless heart, 
Above, below, and all around 
Without obstruction, without hate and without ill-will. 
Standing or walking, sitting or lying down, 
As long as one is alert, 
May one stay with this recollection. 
This is called a sublime abiding, here and now. 
Whoever is virtuous, endowed with vision, 
Not taken by views, 
And having overcome all greed for sensual pleasure 
Will not be reborn again. 

Translated by Gil Fronsdal
http://www.audiodharma.org/documents/MettaSutta.pdf

Daily meditation 01/24/10

Still working on concentration series of talks by Gil Fronsdal series on Audiodharma. Still strange not to being doing Vipassana but today in my meditation at times I felt present, connected, whole, fresh and alive. A few times I could "see" a thought arise and recognize it as such. Other times I felt myself slip and without noticing give in to the seductiveness of thought. It was nice to note without blame or remorse and get back to the breath. I am so grateful for the Audiodharma recordings and Gil Fronsdal.

I need and enjoy my daily sittings so much. At some point I would like to look more deeply at my resistance to going back for a third 10 day retreat...

We have had some mice in our house and looking at my reluctance to have our dogs take care of them I see pity but also some dogmatic adherence to not killing. A bit of a comic scene with my wife on a chair screaming - just like a scene in some cartoon, my daughter locking herself in another room refusing to open the door, and the dogs busily sniffing, happy to be inside the house and finally proudly carrying out a very small mouse body.