Chapter 1’s title “Did I Love Well?” is the question to ask. It is a question that frames effort, grounds ambition, nurtures humility and challenges us to do more.
“Does this path have a heart? If it does the path is good. If it doesn’t, it is of no use.”
The eyes read and the mind comprehends but these words imprint on my heart. Over and over again until I feel like I am there with Don Juan and Carlos Castaneda.
The meditation/reflection on ones death was also powerful. The simplicity and immediacy of real goodness. As a child I remember feeding stay cats and how it felt as they crunched on the dry food we gave them. In high school I remember helping out a few times as a teacher’s assistant for a class of learning disabled children. It was really tough and they often did not respond as one expected or thought they should. Last year I opened a door for an older woman. It was spontaneous. These acts are in contrast to what I do with TLF which is always in a larger context, planned with specific expectations and calculations. Not to say that it isn’t genuine but this reflection reminds me that I need to make an effort so I don’t lose immediacy, spontaneity and ultimately connection.
“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”
This I also have read and repeated over and over like a mantra. It sometimes comes to mind when I am lost in a cloud of administration, management and planning and one of the youth at TLF asks me something that doesn’t fit into these boxes. I am reminded to try and be present and answer simply. Or when my children want to be comforted or even just heard when I have work or existential burdens weighing me down. It’s in fact a blessing for oneself to remember Mother Theresa’s words. For all our grand plans and ambitions, in the end this is what really matters.
The lovingkindness meditation is one I practice almost every day at the end of my daily meditation. I learned it on the last day of the first 10 day retreat I did. I found myself crying uncontrollably and it felt like my heart had layers peeled off it. In the beginning it was hardest to feel loving kindness for oneself. Like trying to get water from a dry well. It’s an amazing thing to feel lovingkindness spontaneously arise or come up during a difficult situation where previously I would have been angry or vengeful. That’s not to say that I still don’t have negative feelings but somehow it’s different. I can forgo reproving myself, feeling guilty and get onto actually being present and start to do something. For this I am very grateful.
May we all be filled with lovingkindness
May we all be well
May we all be peaceful and at ease
May we all be happy
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